You’ve been on five dates.
You text every hour.
You’ve even shared intimate moments.
Naturally, you ask the question that’s been burning in your mind:
“So… are we actually a couple?”
They smile — that vague, unreadable smile — and say:
“We’re just… Sseom (썸).”
Suddenly, you’re confused, anxious, and wondering: Am I being led on?
Welcome to the most frustrating and misunderstood stage of dating in Korea. In a culture where love is treated like a social contract, you are officially nothing until a specific word is spoken.
Are You Stuck in a Holding Pattern?
Before you blame yourself, ask these three questions:
The Future Gap
Do they text you every day but avoid making any real plans for next week?
The Social Wall
Have you spent countless hours together, yet you’ve never met a single friend of theirs?
The Signal Test
Have you hinted at exclusivity, only for the topic to quietly disappear?
If two or more answers are “No,” you’re not in a relationship.
You’re in a Korean situationship.
What “Sseom” Actually Means
In Western dating, exclusivity tends to grow naturally as feelings deepen.
In Korea, that middle phase doesn’t really exist.
You are either not dating or officially dating.
Everything in between is a gray zone — and that zone is called Sseom.
It comes from “something”: the vague, undefined state where two people clearly have feelings, yet nothing has been agreed upon. You act like a couple, but carry none of the responsibility.
Love in Korea only becomes real after a Confession (고백, gobaek).
That moment isn’t romantic — it’s contractual.
Until it happens, you are socially single, no matter how close you feel.
Why This Limbo Exists
This stage isn’t an accident. It’s built into how Korean dating works.
1) Confession = Contract
A confession means accepting social responsibility. Until then, there is no obligation, no exclusivity, and no guilt.
2) Face and Risk
Rejection in Korea is deeply uncomfortable and public. People delay commitment until they feel absolutely safe. It looks like tenderness — but it’s really risk control.
3) Leverage
When one person is more invested, this gray zone lets the other enjoy affection and loyalty without giving anything back.
That’s why so many people ask, “Why won’t he commit?”
Often, the answer is simple: because he doesn’t have to.
Why It Hurts More Than Being Single
In a situationship, there’s no accountability.
They can vanish. They can see someone else. They can walk away tomorrow.
And technically, they didn’t betray you — because there was never an agreement.
You were just a something, never a someone.
In this game, the one who cares less always holds the power.
How to Force a Decision
If you want out of Sseom, waiting won’t save you.
Clarity will.
Try this — casually, with a smile:
“I find people who are decisive about what they want really attractive.
If a guy asked me to be his girlfriend properly, I’d say yes in a heartbeat.”
This does two things.
It shows you’re ready — and it removes their excuse.
If nothing changes after that, they aren’t confused.
They’re simply enjoying the benefits of keeping you without committing.
The Final Truth
Understanding Korean dating isn’t about romance.
It’s about knowing the rules of the game.
Sseom isn’t cute.
It’s a trial period with no worker protections.
So stop waiting for feelings to evolve.
Force the confession — or walk away.
That’s how you survive the Korean situationship.
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